You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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