Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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