Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
