I'm passing your future prison.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
