Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
