dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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