There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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