Dual....:-)
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
