His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
