I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
