The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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