Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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