Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
