I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
