yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
