he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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