I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
