What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
