So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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