He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
