she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
