Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
