I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
