ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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