I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
