He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
