what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
