I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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