I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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