Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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