So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
