just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
