The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
