Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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