did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
