i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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