so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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