Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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