It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
