legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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