She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
