There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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