I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
