just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
