When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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