well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
