He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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