I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
