Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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