Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
