I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize