Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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