i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
