im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
