I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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