Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
