tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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