Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
