just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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