my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize