I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
