Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
