I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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