She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
