Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
