I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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