After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
as a side note pls kill me
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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