and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
