that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
