true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
