I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
