Pappa wants mamma naked
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
