Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
