by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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